{"product_id":"creamy-blue-balls-pre-order","title":"Creamy Blue Balls (PRE-ORDER)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAn absolutely unholy blend of rich blueberry cheesecake, whipped vanilla cream, and buttery graham cracker crust — sweet enough to lure people in, chaotic enough to make them question every life choice that led them here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne light and the room transforms into a late-night emotional support bakery operating during a full mental collapse. Thick blueberry filling, melted sugar, and creamy dessert notes hit first… followed immediately by overwhelming confusion and suspicious eye contact.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSmells like:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• unread texts at 2am\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• being dramatically ignored for character development\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• freezer aisle emotional damage\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• “I’m fine” said with trembling hands\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning: may cause feral behavior, oversharing, and absolutely catastrophic flirting. 🫐💀\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unhinged Candle Co LLC","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48110990917786,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0734\/7034\/5370\/files\/IMG-5680.png?v=1779421645","url":"https:\/\/unhingedcandlecollection.com\/products\/creamy-blue-balls-pre-order","provider":"Unhinged Candle Co LLC","version":"1.0","type":"link"}